All of this emotional upheaval has led to a vicious cycle of insomnia followed by sleeping too much followed by insomnia – which has made me, I suspect, not the easiest person to be around. I get bugged at people who aren’t doing things the way I would do them (which is, um, everybody) and sit in silent (but still obvious) disapproval. I refuse to accept the imperfections I see everywhere, basing my expectations of the world on the way I think it should be rather than the way it is, and acting accordingly – which leads to frustration and resentment.

So that’s the background. Last week a friend shared this quote with me:

Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. … Unless I accept my life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes. (Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, 417.)

I absolutely believe this is true. And I do my best to implement it as much as I can. What’s hard is believing that the seemingly negligible efforts that are all I can manage sometimes actually count for something and are acceptable to God. I guess that’s where humility comes in. That’s a scary thing to pray for, though.

Next post: On man’s ventures into flight and kicking against the pricks. Hopefully it won’t be too long in coming…

I completely agree that a worshipful, positive experience is ultimately up to individual members. Those who are spiritually mature can, like President Henry B. Eyring’s father, listen to the speaker and give themselves an internal talk if necessary (story from Henry B. Eyring’s book To Draw Closer to God, cited at http://bit.ly/9ThwX). I certainly don’t think it’s the speaker’s responsibility to entertain me. I don’t think that’s what any of us are saying.

But I’m concerned about investigators and new members. Are the missionaries to tell them “So, if church seems really boring, you need to write your own internal talk” – especially given that some of these don’t have the gospel background to do so, and the reason they’re at church is to learn?

I think there’s a balance. The onus is on the listener to receive, yes, but the speaker has an equal responsibility to give the best talk he or she can – not prepare as little as possible and “rely on the Spirit” to carry the message. (That’s OK for last-minute talks, of course, but most speakers have plenty of lead time.) I understand some people are not gifted speakers (myself included), so in my case “preparation” may involve writing the talk out fully and even practicing, so the audience doesn’t sit in awkward silence while I fumble through my scriptures and mutter apologies into the microphone. This may seem heavy-handed, but consider: the opportunity to speak in Sacrament Meeting is the opportunity to teach children of God, in the Kingdom of God, and in the name of Jesus Christ. That’s not meant to scare or overwhelm anyone, but to inspire. What would talks be like if everyone focused on teaching in the name of Jesus Christ during Sacrament Meeting – and if leadership encouraged them to do so?

Finally, I understand that people are busy. That’s why I said the speaker should give the best talk he or she can. Generally people can find the time for the things they want to do, even if that means making sacrifices during the week leading up to the talk. And if someone legitimately doesn’t have time to prepare, that person can by all means “rely on the Spirit” (which, of course, is what ultimately teaches anyway). I just think that a lot of us could make more of an effort to bring the Spirit into meetings through giving well-prepared, engaging talks.

Thoughts? Arguments? I’m happy to read them.

Being a superhero isn’t all that hard.

Sure, a few of the mutants get to do stuff. Logan/Wolverine, Mystique, and Kurt/Nightcrawler show remarkable athletic prowess. But for most of the mutants, Superpowering doesn’t involve anything except looking bad@$ and waving their arms.

Think of Eric/Magneto, Jean Grey, John/Pyro, and Bobby/Iceman. Apart from Iceman blowing on a soda bottle at one point, these guys don’t do much (and Pyro is useless without a lighter). Marie/Rogue just has to touch her target. Piercing Voice Girl merely starts to scream and everyone is incapacitated.

And some mutants don’t even have to move at all. Ororo/Storm kind of stands fiercely and her eyes start to glow. Scott/Cyclops? He just looks at stuff. Even Charles Xavier doesn’t actually do anything; he sits there, with a placid expression, presumably thinking really, really hard. Which, unlike novel-writing, isn’t an inherently exciting spectator activity.

I totally want that job.

And a superpower to go with it. Mine would be the ability to rewind time, methinks. As long as I don’t have to do anything but wave my arms and look bad@$$.

So since I got that news I’ve tried  something brand-new to me: relaxing. I no longer have a tense, panicky feeling that I should be spending every second of every day looking for a job. Instead, I sat by the Charles last Saturday, looking through the haze that colored all the Boston buildings in soft pastels and watching the pinks turn to periwinkle as the sun set. I spent Sunday afternoon out at the Old North Bridge, then wandered through the Back Bay and Harvard Square early in the week. I found an awesome recipe for a Middle Eastern plateful of deliciousness called mujadara. Très bien.

I also spent more hours than I want to admit reading Harvard Business Review weblogs one night. I read easily more than two dozen posts, many of them by one of my new favorite writers: Peter Bregman. Just a few of his awesome posts:

To Get More Done, Slow Down: How rest periods make people much more productive

What to Do When You’re Out of Control: About being – gasp! – helpful instead of making stressful situations more difficult

Stop Worrying About Your Weaknesses: Because they’re probably your strengths

Why You Need to Fail: Those who never fail don’t challenge themselves enough to learn

The Interview Question You Should Always Ask: Why what you do in your spare time matters

A New Rule for the Workplace: Changing expectations to meet reality reduces negative emotions

I Want You to Apologize: How to defuse tense situations by showing, like, humility

And there are soooo many more – I don’t know what Mr. Bregman’s background is, but I love that he applies gospel principles to real-world situations.

There are a few others too – most notably How to Write a Resume That Doesn’t Annoy People and Ace the Interview by David Silverman and a 5 Leadership Essentials ideacast that explores surprisingly warm-fuzzy leadership values by Dave Ulrich.

Whence cometh this interest in business, you ask? Note that the articles I enjoy are generally about making people and situations better, not about manipulating Excel worksheets. They tend to illustrate gospel principles. And the gospel is something I’m very interested in, since it has miraculously made my life actually enjoyable instead of just endurable. Huzzah, again.

A few weeks ago I decided to return to a singles ward and was looking forward to quiet Sundays. My first day back was last Sunday. After Sacrament Meeting, as I was subconsciously mustering the energy to corral five now-seven-year-olds (and looking forward to having a fun lesson), I looked around and realized: Wait a second. Here I don’t get to do anything – I have to just sit and learn.

Hmmm…

So, for all you extroverts out there: Is this the optimal response? Or do you want more interaction? (Note that if you want more interaction you’ll have to give other people a chance to speak as well, and maybe even, like, listen to them – so be sure to count these costs before you respond.)

No, not just to torture anyone with a Y chromosome. Guess again.

And no, not to serve as coasters, because then one would have to actually buy a copy of the movie.

Their purpose: To serve as valuable illustrations of what not to do in relationships.

I’ve watched many a romantic comedy in my day, and some of them I’ve really enjoyed. But in almost all of them, characters in romantic relationships do things that appear completely bizarre. One smack’s one’s head and thinks, Why is that person engaging in such counterproductive and counterintuitive behavior?

But then one finds oneself in a similar situation, and suddenly these completely bizarre activities seem not counterintuitive, but even, like, rational.  Yeah, I could totally do that. And it would TOTALLY help. Only by concentrating furiously on one’s experiences watching romantic comedies can one restrain oneself from shooting oneself in the foot (or head).

Can’t believe I’m saying this, but: Thank goodness for chick flicks.

(Now back to The Innovator’s Dilemma so I can feel wicked smaht again… Vanityvanityvanity)

But some things are comforting. Monday and Tuesday were pretty good; Wednesday got off to a rough start but then the first verse of “Nearer, My God, to Thee” came to mind and I had an A-HA! moment about the second line. “E’en though it be a cross that raiseth me”: Even though it’s an awful trial that is raising me up closer to God, still I’m getting there. And it’s true. Verse 4 also has a great line: “Out of my stony griefs Bethel [lit. "House of God"] I’ll raise.” I’m amazed at the comfort that has flooded into me over the past couple of weeks. Doesn’t mean I don’t have moments (insomnia + quasi-fasting + heat + emotional trial –> need for waterproof mascara), and it doesn’t mean I don’t have to restrain myself sometimes from tired typing/cry calling/emotional emailing (the Mormon equivalent of drunk dialing), but those moments are the exception, not the rule. Huzzah.

That I, the indomitable FishieFishies, am hereby an official Young Adult;

That I am hereby NOT yet an official Mature Adult;

That Young Adults are old enough to not have to eat the foods they didn’t want to eat as children but are yet young enough not to need the “healthy” foods that Mature Adults require;

That All-Bran in all its forms and flavors comprises a Mature Adult “healthy” food;

That I am thus absolved of the duty to consume All-Bran in any shape, form, or fashion, with or without milk and/or various flavored yogurts;

That this absolution shall stand until I am a Mature Adult, by which time miracles of science will have rendered unnecessary these foods; and

That this proclamation shall stand as a witness to the world of the aforementioned absolution, henceforth and forever, amen and amen.

Signèd and sealèd this Fifteenth day of July, 2010, whereof ye are all witnesses.

Is it possible to be “spoiled” by a basic necessity? Food, clothing, shelter, and air conditioning – that’s what we learned in school. Indeed, though I have North Cambridge resident attitudes aplenty, I’d rather be “spoiled” by an energy-sucking air conditioner than RUINED by will-to-live-sucking heat and humidity.

Had this wonder been available in the eighteenth century, some of our country’s most important documents would look slightly different:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness and temperatures in the summer that don’t make everyone want to kill themselves.

And the Preamble to the Constitution (and methinks air conditioning should also be added to the Bill of Rights – it could replace the unused “protection from the quartering of troops” or “right to a speedy trial” amendments):

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, prevent intolerable indoor temperatures in summer, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

…

(So the irony is that today is probably the only day in both the past and coming weeks that we may not need our a/c. Still, it should be freely available to all who have no use for temperatures above 80°F.)