That “peace… which passeth all understanding”

(Phil. 4:7)

Was feeling pretty terrible earlier (this breakup stuff is incredibly hard sometimes) when I felt a gentle impression to read a few verses in 2 Nephi 2:

22 And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end.

23 And they would have had no ^achildren; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no ^bjoy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no ^csin.

24 But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who ^aknoweth all things.

25 ^aAdam ^bfell that men might be; and men ^care, that they might have ^djoy.

26 And the ^aMessiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may ^bredeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are ^credeemed from the fall they have become ^dfree forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon, save it be by the punishment of the ^elaw at the great and last day, according to the commandments which God hath given.

I’ve read these verses countless times, of course; most Mormons have. There’s even a mnemonic: “Second Nephi two-twenty-five, Adam fell and I’m alive” (said in a jazzy sort of way to wake up early-morning seminary students). But what I took away this time, among other things too personal to share, is that there’s a subtle but important difference between “I will be happy when” and “I won’t (or can’t) be happy unless.” “I’ll be happy when I get married” implies that the person is at least looking forward to the event and may even have some control over the situation; additionally, the person may not be happy at present, but still might be. “I can’t be happy unless I’m married” erects a fatalistic roadblock completely barring happiness unless certain conditions, usually beyond a person’s control, are met. The latter is generally a consequence of overexposure to the former.

I admit I’ve been stuck in this trap before, and in some ways currently am. However, these verses led me today to realize that it’s not absolutely impossible to be happy unless some great event happens. “Men are that they might have joy”; I can “act for [myself] and not… be acted upon.” “All things have been done in the wisdom of Him who knoweth all things.” I don’t have to remain “in the same state in which [I was] created” or in which I currently find myself (and I could write a whole hyper-emotional post about the past 9 days). This may not sound like such a breakthrough for most people, but to me it’s potentially life-changing. It has already enabled me to feel “the peace… which passeth all understanding” – and which I desperately needed two hours ago.

God is real. He and His Son live and love each of us. The past week has been incredibly painful, but I’ve come to feel much closer to God and Christ because of it. And I’m grateful for that.

Nightmare in calculus class

So I dreamed a while back that I was in a calculus class (shudder) and we had a test – and I hadn’t done a single homework problem or even stayed awake in class for a full period all year. Holy (and wholly) horrible. My genius older brother was also in the class (the star student, of course [this was not an unfounded fear, since we shared THREE classes my junior/his senior year {he was better at physics; we were equal in band; I was better at drama}]), as were a few other people with whom I got into an apocalyptic fight – and boy do I have a potty mouth in my dreams! I must be repressed.

Things that are hard to do

Break up with somebody totally freaking awesome

Be productive in any shape, form, or fashion for at least the first week after the breakup

Not cry before, during, and after the breakup

Say the words “we broke up” with a steady voice

Not feel kind of pathetic about all this

… But I’m alive, and will be better soon. Thanks to some wicked awesome friends for some wicked awesome talks this week.

Boston on the Fourth

So the Fourth of July in Boston is, in a word, awesome. If you learn nothing else from this post, learn this.

This was only my third Fourth (heehee) in Boston, since the other years I’ve technically lived in Boston I was in London, Arkansas, Germany, Utah, and Boise. ‘Twas so delightful to stay here this year. On Saturday I met up with friends at the Boston Pops dress rehearsal; it’s FREE (though you have to get there at least 4.5 hours early and wait in the hot hot hot sun [bring games and water]) and it was great fun to sing all those patriotic songs while fireworks went off (in-concert fireworks new this year). I especially had a great time ordering around my good friend TTJ, who is Finnish  (“CLAP, Finn!” “STAND, Finn!” [good thing he has such a great sense of humor]), lest he show insufficient respect for America. And there are always CANNONS during the 1812 Overture. (Yes, cannons. And did I mention REAL CANNONS? I want to fire a cannon. Or be fired from one, as long as there’s a soft landing surface.)

And the Fourth was just as good. The reason for going to the dress rehearsal (besides [slightly] fewer people [though once you get over 500,000, what difference do a few more thousand make?]) is that the fireworks aren’t visible from the concert venue. I again met up with friends including TTJ the Finn to watch the (spectacular, as always) fireworks over the Charles. During the patriotic sing-along I cheerfully fed lyrics machine-gun-style to TTJ, who had a program on Saturday night but not Sunday. “This land is your laaaand [thislandismyland] – this land is myyyy laaaand [fromCaliforniatotheNewYorkisland] – from Califoooorniaaaa…”

After the fireworks we walked with several hundred thousand of our closest friends along the river for a while, watching the stuffed-to-bursting subway cars cross the Longfellow Bridge and folks who were slogging through traffic (lots of people + small space = get comfy sitting there, dude). I finally got home at about 12:45 AM… and I beat everyone else by over an hour. Good thing none of us had to work the next day.

…

So, reading back through this post, I fear that I have not adequately conveyed the Boston Fourth of July. This may be beyond my capabilities as a writer. I also regret that my camera broke 8 months ago and I haven’t fixed or replaced it, so I have no photographic evidence. I guess you’ll all just have to come see for yourself next year. (That’s a hint.)

Dedication of the stake center. Because we have one.

So last Sunday I attended the dedication of the new stake center for the Cambridge stake of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Take all the negative vibes from Wednesday’s cross-dressing Norman Bates episode (see last post), invert them, then multiply them exponentially and that’s pretty much what it felt like. The music was fantastic – we got to sing “How Firm a Foundation” (verses 1, 2, 4, and 7 – awesomeness) and “The Spirit of God” (another of my all-time faves, henceforth and forever amen and amen);  the choir sang excellent music; a brilliant New England Conservatory student played trumpet descants  (brass in a chapel!)… And the dedicatory prayer itself was beautiful. Angels were there, I tell you. ‘Twas (and ’tis still) an altogether thrilling experience to be part of the history of the Church here. And the Cambridge stake finally has a place to meet, twelve years after its creation.

Update: Now with a picture (was having technical difficulties before)!

Norman Bates is apparently a cross-dresser

Road rage is real, guys.

I don’t mean road rage as in just shouting at someone. I mean real, get-out-of-the-car-screaming-obscenities road rage.

Last night someone honked at me as I was driving. To my knowledge I hadn’t done anything, so I honked back. She honked again, more insistently. I flipped her off.  (Yeah, I shouldn’t have done that. But I was driving in Boston.)

That, friends, was the tiny push she needed. The fingernail-digging tenuous grip she had on sanity was broken. Raving mania ensued.

First, she tailgated me with her brights on. Then she pulled up beside me and swerved at me. Then she cut me off and slammed on her brakes so that Simon Bennett’s ABS kicked in and  a collision seemed imminent. And then she stopped so I couldn’t get around her, got out of her car, and came up to me screaming obscenities. (She seemed most miffed that I had dared give her The Finger, as she considered herself by far the superior driver.) I left my windows up. She banged on the window, then got back into her car and drove away.

I was furious (my fight-or-flight response was definitely the former), but also a bit freaked out – this woman’s meds had obviously failed. So, not knowing what else to do, I took down her license plate number with the intention of filing a complaint.

The only problem is that I forgot to note the state.

As I found out this morning after I’d driven all the way back to east Cambridge.

So if anyone has any idea what state would have license plate number 489 J79, registered to a goldish Accord (I think) driven by a female psycho with long brown hair and a potty mouth, feel free to share the info.

Educational toys

Yes, it’s been awhile.

And no, this isn’t a “real” post.

But behold the glory!

I don’t know what I like most – the SUPER-DISGUISE MUSTACHES, the BOOMERANG BOOK-THROWING ACTION, or the BARRIER-BREAKING FEMINIST VISION. Or just the Brontësaurus. Oh my.

Brontë sisters POWER UP!

More like this, please

Thinking about the great weekend I’ve had and what made it so. One thing was…

- The Easter party I had with my Primary class. We dyed eggs, ate kettle corn (compliments of JLM the Awesome*), played Simon Says, and had two Easter egg hunts, both outside in the yard, because of …

- The weather. Cerulean skies, warm temperatures, breezes that can best be described as pleasant in the most meaningful sense of that word. The perfect weather to sit outside on the patio listening to…

- General Conference. I love, love, love listening to the leaders of the Church and their inspired counsel. And I love that it’s possible to watch over the Internet, which also offers…

- NPR archives. JLM the Awesome and I sat cozily and, admittedly, nerdily (but blissfully!) listening to Wait Wait… Don’t Tell Me and This American Life after our…

- Easter dinner of roast beef and mashed potatoes and gravy, all of which turned out deliciously delectable after I had called my…

- Mom. Because she knows how to make pretty much the awesomest roast beef dinners imaginable, and I don’t. Without her guidance the dinner might have turned out bland and tasteless, and that’s an insupportable waste of red meat.

Hooray, sunshine. Hooray, Easter. Hooray, life.

*See photograph, antepenultimate post. (dreamy sigh)

Yes.

From passiveaggressivenotes.com:

Carnivores, unite!

(Oh, wait – we don’t need to.)

(Unless you have gift certificates to Chuck-A-Rama.)

And this one has been on my to-post list for quite a while:

see more Epic Fails

A word to the wise:  Should you follow the suggestion above to “see more Epic Fails,” do not be surprised to find yourself still exploring the site a good hour and a half after you began (just one more… page. yeah. i can quit anytime.).

Birthday 2010

Freaking rad people
Gave me a Kindle. Like, WHOA!
Best friends in the world.

And a book of quotes -
Each illustrating unique
Personalities.

AND an awesome game -
Literary smörgåsbord!
MUST be played again.

The cake: Perfection.
Apricot nectar covered
In lemon icing.

So, in sum, I say:
Absolutely delighted.
GIANT hugs all ’round.