So a phenomenon of nature has been taking place for the past few weeks here by my desk – I’m calling it the Law of Conservation of Gnats. You see, there is always exactly one gnat flitting around in my immediate vicinity. If I kill that gnat and go away for a time, there is always exactly one new gnat flitting around when I return to my desk. There are never two or more at the same time; it’s as if there’s a waiting room or on-deck circle somewhere, and the gnats are all patiently waiting for their turn to visit. Would that I could find the waiting room and a can of industrial strength Raid.
A few spiders have also noticed this phenomenon and have accordingly tried to set up shop in the area; I dispatched several of them to the afterworld yesterday. Fortunately they’re the really tiny ones – hardly bigger than the gnats themselves – or an exterminator and I would be getting acquainted right about now.
Hem, hem…not to freak you out or anything but I just took a shower with one of those spiders from the waiting room this morning. Unfortunately, IT was NOT the size of a gnat…more like the size of a quarter.
Rather than consent to give him a quick death, I decided to prolong his suffering by waterlogging him first and then washing him down the sewer drain with pumpkin smelling shampoo suds! At least he’ll smell nice in the afterworld…
No! Spiders are our friends!